#6 Mandi Anderson – We All Smile in the Same Language

Amy (00:01) Welcome to Just a Thought with Amy Keys. We are here to inspire, educate, inform, and entertain. On today's episode, I welcome my dear friend Mandy Anderson, who is a cleft mom and advocate for cleft palette, cleft everything. And so we're going to talk to her about raising a cleft child and all the great things that come along with it and some of the roadblocks too. And we're also going to talk about her wonderful.

business that she does to benefit called Remy's Ranch. So welcome

Mandy (00:33) Thank you.

Amy (00:35) Happy to have you here, excited to talk about Remy. Remy is your son, who is the reason we're here today. But I thought it'd be fun first to tell everybody how we even know each other.

Mandy (00:46) Yes. So that's actually such a fun story. So I actually know Amy through my now husband. He was at church with one of Amy's really good friends and she was gifting something to their small group. And my husband happened to be one of the recipients of a very special Amy Keyes masterpiece and was gifted at Steve and I've been dating literally like a few months.

And I it's funny because it's actually still hanging in my master bedroom from this piece literally from 2013 that Amy painted. And I was like, automatically have to meet her. And Steve was like, my goodness, she's like, she's probably gonna become your best friend. And so literally because of Amy's painting is why we actually met and Amy actually painted Steve's very first Christmas gift I ever gave him. This also hanging.

Right under the piece that Steve gave me of yours.

Amy (01:47) And so I want to piggyback on that story about Steve and Mandy. So this nice guy contacts me and he's like, Hey, I'm in this church and I met in this church small group and a nice lady in my group, you know, she bought me this our small group all it was iron sharpens iron. I remember thirteen years later what it was, the the verse that Karen had me paint for everybody. And then he's like, I'm I'm dating this girl and I want to get her a special gift and

He's like, could you paint Proverbs 31? And he, I mean, I'm talking like it was all of Proverbs 31. It wasn't just one verse. It's a big painting. And it was probably the most script I've ever painted on any painting. And then he shows up to pick it up and I'm like, my gosh, this guy is adorable. He's so sweet, so wonderful. I don't know who she is, but she sure is lucky. And then they got married. And I was at their wedding.

So it's a neat story. And then how long were y'all married before you had Remy?

Mandy (02:51) So we got married in July of twenty and fifteen and then we got pregnant in let's see, the fall of two thousand or I guess we found out we were pregnant in the fall of twenty sixteen. Okay. Yes.

Amy (03:08) So that leads us right in to Remy and the pregnancy and cleft detection. And I remember where I was when you told me you had had your ultrasound and they found cleft. Mm-hmm. And you didn't know how bad it was. Amber Abney is gonna love this because I was on my way to her house to pick up toffee when you told me this. And I remember sitting in the front of her house just like thinking, I don't really know much about all of this.

I don't know how I can help her. What do I do? How bad is this? How good is this? I did not know. And I've learned so much through you in all these years.

Mandy (03:48) Yes. So we were like most pregnant women, you're going at the beginning, like, you know, they tell you you're pregnant, you know, that whole thing, then you kinda go every few weeks. So we were going to our eighteenth week sonogram. And the sonogram lady, we had not they didn't have the 4D when I was pregnant with Remy. They the three D was kind of becoming the thing. I remember that appointment.

And she looked at the monitor. Sorry, friends, I'm an emotional storyteller. So, and she said, I'm gonna be right back. I'm gonna go get the doctor. And when someone tells you that, you so keep in mind I miscarried right before Remy also. So I'd miscarried a child and then the sonogram lady says, I need to go get the doctor. So imagine the heart plunge to your stomach at that point.

And she comes back and she's like, Your baby has a cleft lip that we can see. And because I was working for a nonprofit at the time that worked with babies born with things, I knew a little bit about it, not a whole lot at that point. And so, but they found Remy's cleft lip on a regular sonogram. So as soon as we found out

Of course, tears are flowing. They put me back in the waiting room to wait to see the doctor, which I think we were Steve said would probably say we were there ten minutes. It felt like an eternity. I bet. With Googling on your phone what the the whys, the hows, all the things.

Amy (05:33) Did you even know if he was a boy at that point, or did you find out he was a boy at that ultrasound? You already knew.

Mandy (05:38) We knew he was a boy. We

knew. Okay. We had done the whole reveal that he was a boy. Okay. And then found out. Okay. And and so because of my job at the time, I had a great connection to a specialist doctor. I was in his office the next day with the three D monitors, trying to figure out what's the severity, those kind of questions. And we couldn't we didn't know because

Amy (05:45) I couldn't remember that. Okay. Yep.

Mandy (06:07) I was 18 weeks pregnant. Y you're not far enough along in the pregnancy to really see. But we had to do all the conversations with the nurses and the genetics. So my husband is adopted. And so a lot of times with cleft, it's genetic. S more so common in boys is from the dad's side. Well, with my husband being adopted, didn't really have a whole lot of information. And so we just

Amy (06:09) Right.

Sure.

Mandy (06:37) We didn't know. We didn't know what we didn't know. Left the doctor's office that day and I did a whole lot of research and Google can be your best friend and o can also be an enemy at the same time.

Amy (06:47) Google can be pretty pretty scary sometimes. Yep.

Mandy (06:51) And so from there on out I was at the doctor every week from eighteen weeks till delivery at thirty nine weeks.

Amy (06:59) Well, I I did I always try to do my homework for the podcast just to have a little bit of intel. I don't want to go anything blindly and I did research cleft and here's some stats. Every three minutes around the world, a baby is born with some form of cleft. Lip palette is more in boys where palette alone is girls. Cleft lip, one in seven hundred babies. Cleft palette alone, one in fifteen hundred to two thousand babies.

And one in six thousand babies are born with cleft lip and palate together. So what where does Remy fall in this? What what is his actual diagnosis?

Mandy (07:40) So Remy's diagnosis is literally the worst kind you can possibly have. He was born with a bilateral lip and palate, which basically means both sides of his lip were, I don't want to say not there, but they weren't there. They weren't there, yeah. They weren't there. He was basically born with no roof in his mouth. You could see all the way up to his sinus cavity when he yawned. So Remy had no roof and

No lip, basically. And so my I found out at my s after we had Remy, my doctor had been delivering babies for over twenty years and proceeded to tell me he was the most severe he she had ever delivered, which was not very comforting. No. But we as living here, we have one of the best cleft teams literally in the United States here in Memphis, which is comforting.

Amy (08:27) That's not yeah, that's not real reassuring.

Mandy (08:40) But we didn't know, even going through the doctors weekly, they could never give us answers why he was being born this way, to how severe was he gonna be, what was my pregnancy gonna look like? Could I carry him full full term? Because most babies born with a birth defect don't always have a successful Moms don't have a very successful pregnancy, I guess, and typically do not carry the child.

completely to thirty nine weeks. So I was thirty nine weeks and two days when I went in for my thirty nine week appointment that morning and she said, All right, mama, you go home and get your stuff. I'll meet you tonight because my blood pressure was just it was really high. And with the cleft, I was full of fluid because if you kind of think about it, with a child with a cleft, they can't swallow the fluid like a

Amy (09:37) I didn't Yeah.

Mandy (09:38) Like

a normal baby, but someone that doesn't struggle and swallowing. And so I was very, very swollen that day.

Amy (09:48) Well, I remember you when I would come over and visit when he was born and he was home, how the challenges of feeding him outside of the womb. So I mean, I remember you had to have all the special devices. yeah. Was it called a NAM?

Mandy (10:03) Yes, so we're gonna back up to the day he was born. I want y'all to know that Amy Key saw my child.

Amy (10:11) I did.

Mandy (10:12) And wrapped up in a blanket before I did.

Amy (10:16) Did I was at the NICU. I was at the NICU with him while you were in your room and I went down there with Steve. Yes. And from the moment Remy was in that little mm-hmm. Incub not incubator, but bed or whatever he was in in the NICU, we all knew God had big plans for Remy. Did. And nine years later we're we're seeing all that happen. But you know, I I guess I had a sensitivity to you about about the NICU and about

a you know, high risk situation because I was in one too. My oldest son at I had preclampsia and at twenty eight weeks I left work. I went to the doctor for my twenty-eight week checkup and he's like, You're on bed rest the rest of the pregnancy. And I said, okay. And for eight weeks, seven and a half weeks to be precise, I laid there on I also had gestational diabetes. So my husband had to cook

For me and make me diabetic meals. And then he would leave for work and leave me on the couch with the Coleman cooler and my lunches. Yes. And I had bathroom privileges only for seven weeks. Yeah. And then my baby arrived 36 weeks because of my blood pressure. He had what they call Wimby White Boy syndrome. So he was seven pounds three ounces at 36 weeks. He would have been a big baby if we'd gone any further. And they did basically, well, no, they did do an emergency C section.

And he was in the queue for five days because he couldn't breathe, suck and swallow all on his own. Which I kind of understood some of that when you had Remy because it was a challenge to do that with with Remy with his his palate.

Mandy (11:59) So I will say we we delivered Remy at Methodist German Town, right here around the corner, I feel like, from the house. And they are prepared, which I knew going in, obviously with insurance, you know where you're more than likely gonna get get to go to the hospital. They had both bottles. So at the time there was only two types of bottles that they made for cleft children, for cleft babies, to be able to use because they cannot suck from a normal bottled nipple. They're

There's two different special t there's one called the pigeon and then the other one, which probably a lot of people will know is Dr. Brown's, but they had special nipples for specifically Clef lip and then clef palette. Now there is a gazillion more now that Remy's nine. I actually bought some for a friend of mine a few weeks ago. But they had both and so we could decide which one was gonna be better. It didn't really matter. They're all four times the size of a regular price bottle. Yeah.

like anything is that's special. That's a special type, a special size, all the things. But they had both and we figured out which one Remy could take actually within the first day, which is not always common. So we were I feel like we were blessed in that sense. The first day was an easy I say loosely easy feeding day. But he did go straight to Cyndicus solely off of being a cleft.

It was not based off of anything else. He was born outside of his cleft, perfectly healthy, a great size, all the things. Yep. But we we had him on a Tuesday and we went home on a Friday. And so they kept him for a few days because we needed to make sure that he was gonna eat and he was gonna do all the things. And actually the cleft team came to the hospital room to meet us when Remy was two days old.

Amy (13:50) I remember looking back, it seems it doesn't seem that long ago, but it nine years is it's crazy that's gone that fast. And I remember in ver vivid detail the time and patience it took for you to feed him. Yes. And the work it was a full time job.

Mandy (14:03) Yeah.

It was. And I think having a newborn, like most moms can probably attest, it's exhausting. And then you add the specialty. I mean, you add, I mean, the first few weeks it took Remy well over an hour to take like two ounces because of the way he was swallowing because of his cleft.

Amy (14:14) It is and then you add that

Mandy (14:29) so he did get his first device when he was a week old. We went to the orthodontist and he made a he had to literally make a mold of the roof of his mouth that he didn't have and make him basically a silicone roof for him to drink, and then it came out of his lip, it came over his lip, and we had to

put rubber bands literally from basically under his nose to his side of his cheeks, which means his cheeks stayed broken out with rosacea looking.

Amy (15:04) So

complex. Just to feed him. Just to feed him.

Mandy (15:09) I so I was a stay at home mom. I can't I stopped working right before I had Remy and I would get Steve to come home at lunch to take the nam out of his mouth and put fresh rubber bands because I emotionally couldn't do it. And it's I can say that now. I couldn't have admitted to that in that moment. But I can now that that's that was part of the postpartum. You know

Amy (15:28) Right. Right.

sure.

Mandy (15:36) I know it it's way more talked about to me now than it was when I was having when we had him. But I I think about the NAM, the weekly dentist fit visits we did for seven and a half months. We visited the dentist every single week for adjustments, for checking his lip that they're gonna have to literally make him for the roof in his mouth he doesn't have, for the ulcers, for just

Anything you can think of we were checking literally weekly at a dentist office for seven and a half months until we did the first lips until we did his first surgery.

Amy (16:15) And in the meantime, you're worried about nutrition and all the things and how are you gonna get everything done because it takes so long to feed him? Yep. I mean, it was quite the project. Well, you know, moving forward to the dentistry and and all that, how how many surgeries has he had so far?

Mandy (16:31) So Remy's now nine and we have done one lip revision. We've done three sets of twos because cleft children and ears.

Amy (16:44) it's all connected. It's all connected.

Mandy (16:46) And so we've had three sets. We've put him to sleep to check to see if he was deaf or not, because Remy did not pass a hearing test until he was like six years old. And we tested him every quarter for six years. And then we have done three fo four pallet repairs in the roof of his mouth. Also. So we've so when you look at Remy.

Amy (17:13) People

Mandy (17:14) assume it's just his lip. There's so much there's so many things underneath that lip that you can't see that while he's only had one lip surgery, we've had ears. We've had is our child deaf, is the so Remy's palate, because it was so severe, it kept splitting open. So the roof in your mouth, it's a hard palate and a soft palate. So we were told Remy's first palate surgery, they would only do one.

They would only do the front because that obviously the roof and if you look in the roof of your mouth, the part that's closer to behind your teeth your front teeth, you need to probably fix that first, right? For food. Cause also keep in mind, my child's not eating. He's not eating the oatmeal because of the texture. He's not eating solid foods at that point, right? Because he literally cannot. But they ended up trying to close the whole thing on the first one and it split open. So we fixed the split.

split again. And so to mate the roo the roof in Remy's mouth, they try really hard to take the skin inside your cheeks. So then it's yours.

Amy (18:26) I wonder I don't know what surgery it was where I was at Laboner and your parents and I were in the waiting room. And it was a one I I think it might have been it was a big surgery. Okay. Yep. He was really little and it was really big surgery. Yep.

Mandy (18:34) So probably was his first one. Okay.

So they made him a lip on that surgery you were there. Okay. He got his lip.

Amy (18:44) But it's a lot of surgeries for a little guy. How many more surgeries do you think he'll have?

Mandy (18:49) So typically most the clef so there's several cleft families I'm very close with. I have some that are ahead of me in the journey. Most of them end up anywhere from twelve to twenty surgeries. it kind of depends on the severity. And so because of Remy's severity of his cleft, they told us probably more so anywhere between fifteen and eighteen eighteen surgeries by the time he's eighteen years old. So he's nine and we've done nine.

The right now we're technically on a break because we need to do his first set of braces because he will more than likely have three sets of braces by the time he's eighteen because of the way they're his mouth will grow and that kind of thing. We so we know three three sets of braces more than likely. The next big I mean to me they're all big, but the big, big surgery is the bone graft, which is where they take the bone from your hip and put it at the

Top of your lip. So because Remy has no bone at the top. His teeth are in the roof of his mouth. They are his top teeth. There's no tooth that's where it needs to be. None. He has all of his teeth, but they're nowhere where they need to be. So he will probably end up in veneers, to be perfectly honest. When we've done the testing, the x-rays recently, they're like, hey, all his adult teeth show on the x-ray, but we have no idea when they're gonna come in. We have no idea where they're gonna.

Amy (20:04) Wow.

Mandy (20:19) where they will if they will actually come in. Wow. So they may just have to literally just pull. So like right now he has two in the roof of his mouth that they leave because if you pull those teeth, you're gonna take bone. And they already don't have bone. And so we don't really know. My my guess is the three sets of braces, the bone graft

Amy (20:20) Where they're gonna go.

them.

Right.

Mandy (20:44) Right now, Remy's jaw is in place. There's a lot of clef kids that their jaw is not in place and they have to literally break their jaw and put it back into place. So right now, I'm gonna stay really hopeful that we don't have to do that surgery because we know we're gonna have to do the bone graft and we may have to do it more than once because of his severity. We will do another lip revision, so because as he grows, the cartilage this

at the top of his lip and the center is getting thicker, which affects his speech. It affects so Remy does not have any feeling there. Remy has no f he has no feeling on his top linen. which is another thing people don't really yeah think about. Remy also another little fun fact with kids a lot of times with Clef, so because he doesn't his top teeth are not in place, he eats on the sides of his mouth.

So the next time you sit with him and he's eating, you will notice he only eats on the sides of his mouth. So like we just got him to eat a hot dog finally. Well, mommy had to cut it up. He can't actually bite it. He doesn't have the he he doesn't literally have the anatomy to bite a hot dog. Think about a hamburger. So they were the mini hamburgers. Right. So he could but he's he did it on the side and he was so proud of himself that he could come

Amy (21:47) Interesting.

Right.

Mandy (22:09) bite a hamburger. Imagine a nine year old being excited that he could hamburg

Amy (22:14) Right. Right.

Right. Wow. So he's had to have speech therapy because of all this. Yes. And I feel like he's in other something else too, like a continuous care or therapies. I know he goes to speech. What else does he do?

Mandy (22:29) So we're just down to speech. Okay. We did the TIS, which is the Tennessee Early Intervention Services. We did that. So it is free to you until the child turns three.

Amy (22:41) Both of my boys went through that. Yeah. And as much as my older one talks, that's surprising that he ever needed any kind of but both of my boys were late talkers.

Mandy (22:50) Yeah. So they TIS was in our home until COVID hit 'cause Remy was turning three in April of twenty twenty and I feel like probably like most people, you kinda base things off of life when COVID hit. So in March of twenty twenty, when COVID hit, he they said we're gonna do Zoom and I'm like, Well, I don't think a three year old, an almost three year old, is gonna do Zoom very well with speech therapy and IT.

Amy (23:19) Right, right.

Mandy (23:20) So we rolled out of TIS and that summer I had a really good friend that introduced me to the Memphis Oral School of the Deaf. They have speech pathologists there and Remy has been doing speech there for since t summer of twenty twenty, but for four years we did it twice a week after school. And then two years ago we got to go down to once a week and we're still at once a week, but this is Remy's first summer.

To not have any therapies, which is a huge blessing. Something I as a mom I celebrated, just to give him a break. Because you've been in speech therapy for eight years of your life. And that's a lot.

Amy (23:58) Yeah.

It's it becomes to a child all they know.

Mandy (24:08) Well, they do. So like Remy doesn't know any different. And that's like my conversation with the speech therapist. We are actually getting close to maybe graduating him from speech, but he really he's sh because the speech pathologist is really good with his language. So he's so Remy's also dyslexic. And so she's working with him on the language therapy aspect.

Instead of just focusing on the speech, since we're not having any more surgeries to correct the last few letters that he d does not say phonically correctly, because Remy still has a hole that will not be filled until the bone graft surgery.

Amy (24:50) Well, when I think of Remy, and I've known him his whole life. When I think of Remy, you know, when you think of somebody, certain words come to mind. And the first word that comes to my mind has always been magnetic. Mm-hmm. Remy has a powerful way of drawing people in effortlessly. He doesn't have to try, he just does it. And I think that's just who he is bec probably a little bit of who his parents are too.

Mandy (24:54) Literally.

Amy (25:20) But he's also adaptable. Mm-hmm. He's friends to all. He is welcoming to all. He has the happiest spirit. He is inquisitive. People like him and he's just a genuinely happy guy.

Mandy (25:36) agree with all of this Aunt Amy. So Remy also guys knows Amy as Aunt Amy.

Amy (25:38) I think I did a decent

Yes, I refer to him as my non-biological nephew. So there's that. But he is also really good at Mahjong. He is this boy beats grown ad people. He beats me in Mahjong. And it might be a little bit his mom's doing that he likes Mahjong, but that's a whole nother podcast.

Mandy (26:07) Yes, but you know what's funny about that? So when Remy was diagnosed with dyslexia last year, the psychologist said he needs to play chess and he needs to play mahjong. And I said, I literally just learned to play mahjong the week before we took him to testing. And I think I texted you on our way back home from Nashville and said, They just told me Remy has to learn chess and mahjong. And I thought

Amy (26:35) And

Amy, I guess that week before, had wanted to learn how to play mahjong and said, Hey, Mandy'd be a friend who would say yes. So then we go to the trumple pig and take lessons and now we're like well, it that's ridiculous ridiculous.

Mandy (26:47) We would need a whole other podcast to talk about.

Amy (26:49) Does anybody wanna play Mahjong? 'Cause we'll stop this podcast right now to play.

Mandy (26:54) so what's funny is while we're sitting here recording this, Remy played Mahjong with our group and won twice.

Amy (27:00) Did

he beat grown women twice today? And but I love how he has the mahjong with you and he loves to swim and he loves to make pizzas in your backyard and he loves all things basketball. But then he has golf with his dad. And the golfing has been really good for him and for your family. Because you take trips for golf trips and it's good like time for Steve and him to get some bonding. So that's pretty cool how

Mandy (27:12) Okay.

His sports thing.

Amy (27:29) But I I think that's where the adaptable comes in. I think Remy's gonna be the kind of of man when he's older that can just do whatever needs to be done, go wherever. He's just so easygoing.

Mandy (27:39) He's you know, what's great is and I'll probably come back to the Mahjong thing. Like today we're here playing Mahjong for two hours and he's in the other room, he's shooting his basketball, he's watching his T V. And then he comes in, he's like, well, I wanna come play for a few minutes and then he's good about coming in. He's really good at letting our group, I think, of friends be.

Amy (28:02) He came in and beat us twice and was gone. And then he left. He's like, I'm going back to play basketball. But you know, he's the whole package of a young man and we're really proud of who he is. And I can't claim any of the genetic profile, but I can claim that I have seen him and he's growing into such a wonderful, wonderful little guy. Well well, that leads me to Remy's ranch. Super proud of my friend here who

Mandy (28:25) Yes.

Amy (28:29) Soon after he was born, you started Remy's Ranch and all the links and everything, all the information will be provided in the podcast bio. But just tell us about Remy's Ranch. I could introduce it all day long, but you tell us.

Mandy (28:44) So my parents are from Choctaw County, Mississippi. My mother's family has property in Ware, Mississippi, and that is spelled W-E-I-R. And my dad has long taken care of the farmland down there, the timber and all the things, and I was pregnant with Remy at the time. And he's like his saying was, Hey, I'm heading to the farm. And I was pregnant. We had just named Remy.

literally probably the week before and I said, No, we're gonna call it Remy's ranch And so when after Remy was born they told us Remy's first lip surgery, they told they they were researching at the time. They kept some of Remy's blood from his very first surgery and it came back from from there. Remy was born the way he was born, not from being on Steve's genetics or

or mine, it was environmental. So environmental can be so many things to so many people. And but my doctors were like, look, it can be the Clorox you use. It can be your cleaning supplies. It could be the mold we found in our home af while I was pregnant. It could be the polluted the pollution that we live in Memphis. So there's so many things with environmental. Well the cuckoo mom goes and throws literally every chemical out of my house.

And so then I start making essential oils to sell to help other people. And that so that we named it Remy's Ranch on Facebook was how the store

Amy (30:17) In my little spray bottles.

Mandy (30:20) And so I made all kind of things with essential oils after throwing literally everything away in my home. And then Remy's Remy was pretty mute. Remy he was no don't get me wrong. He was making all the sounds, all the things, but we were not making words. He was not he was not saying what he needed to be see saying even at as a two year old and even as a three year old. And the speech therapist said

Put a Christmas tree in his room, get a colored light one, and theme it for everything. So Fourth of July, the summer, fall, football, like just anything she's like, and go tell him the lights on the Christmas tree multiple times a day. So Remy's first more words, other than mama, was at a Christmas tree, which is why I make Christmas ornaments.

Amy (31:19) You know, I I all these years I didn't know that's how the Christmas ornament part came to be. Yeah.

Mandy (31:23) So Remy talked to a Christmas tree and I was working with another cleft mom because Remy in the state of Tennessee is considered cosmetic. They were not in the state of Mississippi. It's very different. It's state by state how the insurance kind of all unfolds, which that would be a whole nother podcast.

Amy (31:48) information kinda has me fired up for my non bi biological nephew here that that it's I mean I knew it was considered cosmetic, but when I think about it again, I I just I cannot believe that that is the case.

Mandy (32:01) So a lot of cleft children, the run I hate to say a running joke, but the cliche the running joke is a million dollar smile. Remy will literally cost us a million dollars by the time he's eighteen and let that sink in because pretty much six figures has already been spent on his smile, right, on his face, on the dental work, on the therapies, on all the things. And

So with that I started making Christmas ornaments with another cleft mom and we s and we was split it. And then it kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger each year and we made more Christmas ornaments to now I have two machines in my garage. We make four to six thousand ornaments a year, kinda depending on to be honest, how much I take on and choose to take on depending Remy's schedule. But I love to tell people

we make Christmas ornaments because the Christmas tree is what got Remy to talk. And now that he's older, Remy paints a lot of them. There's probably about thirty five hundred ornaments painted, wrapped, completed upstairs, and I bet you he's touched fifteen hundred of those ornaments and painted them with me.

Amy (33:17) And I remember when you first started out it was shirts. Yes. And it what's the smile shirt? We all smile the same something. I still have the we all smile the same language shirt. Still have it. Still wear it. It's probably ten years old. It is. At least. Yeah. Well, it's n probably nine, eight eight to nine years old.

Mandy (33:23) We all smell the same language.

It

was 'cause we did it for his second surgery as a fundraiser.

Amy (33:38) And then you started adding the ornaments and you'd add some like house decor and blocks. But I think you've I think you've really focused on the ornaments now. It's like you're known for your ornaments. Yes.

Mandy (33:49) 'Cause like it's one those that like when you use like with your painting, like you you try some new things just to see is it gonna take. But there also comes a point when you're like, I'm just gonna focus here. I've tried these things. Well, it worked good. Yes, because like now like Remy started paintings more last year than two years before I let him paint some. And I remember I was so nervous in my first craft that craft show that he helped paint because

Amy (34:03) Or a rim of your knit.

Mandy (34:18) Literally all the bags. Y'all, I stained every bag. And he went out there and put a paintbrush on like a hundred of on the back. And I'm like, my gosh, I don't want to repaint those. It was. And then he went out there last year and he wrote his name on probably five hundred ornaments last year. And I was like, you know what? This is just gonna be a little character.

Amy (34:29) It was a personal touch.

That's what makes them special.

Mandy (34:45) Yes.

And so but this year I got him some markers just for him. I had him a t shirt that he could go paint in because we all know with paints and things, it ruins your clothes. And so I'm like, I need no help in a boy ruining clothes. Right. So I had him ornament clothes and he would he he's like, Mom, hey, can we go to the garage for a little bit? And he would. And you know, that was some of the best conversations with Remy.

Amy (34:59) Yes they do.

Right.

Mandy (35:14) was out there this spring, like when he come home from school and he didn't have a good day. And he's like, Hey, can we go paint? And I wanna tell you about my day

Amy (35:24) I'm here to say painting is therapy. Yes. Ask me how I know. Yes.

Mandy (35:29) My Christmas ormus is my mom therapy. And I think everybody has an outlet. Sure. And then that's that's mine.

Amy (35:36) And so you have the machine Loretta. Loretta. And then you got a new one. Okay, Penny and Loretta. They're very industrial, big machines. Yes. But everything that you do is still handcrafted. Yes. You're you're putting every you're assembling your painting, your staining wood, you're doing all that. And your price point's amazing. But this what what Mandy doesn't tell a lot of people, what I'm gonna toot her horn is

Mandy (35:41) Yep, her name's Penny.

Amy (36:05) Mandy does a lot behind the scenes for a lot of people. And I'm I I'm sitting here with her, but I'm not making eye contact w her with her when I say this. But Mandy is very generous behind the scenes. And a lot of this income goes to help those who she personally knows and others to help them with making these million dollar smiles because not everybody has the means. Not everybody can do this and every

Every child should be able to have that. So Mandy's very humble and very behind the scenes, but now that she's been on a podcast that hundreds of people are going to hear, she's not. But I think it's really important to know that you are advocating for not only your own son, but others who have it too. And I've seen you do a lot behind the scenes for people, and it's very, very admirable. And how wonderful it is that sweet Remy seeing you do that.

Mandy (37:03) Well, and it's to me it's more meaningful these last few years with him. So I'm not really good at sharing this and Amy is always poking at me, telling me I need to do better. And it's an area I do need to grow in, but I really work on it with Remy is two th I'll share two things that we do. I do specifically with him is the week of Thanksgiving, the win the day before Thanksgiving, Remy and I bake cookies, sometimes with some friends.

And we bake cookies and we I let him pick twenty ornaments from the stash after some of the craft shows. I mean, there's plenty to choose from. And we take them to a firehouse that's actually just around the corner from the house. And he takes them to the firehouse and to the guys, and we take them cookies and treats and Christmas ornaments and tell them thank you, that we're thankful for their service and thank you for protecting us and protecting our neighborhood. Cause for me, I want to teach Remy life.

It's not all about you, kid. You gotta say thank you and you need to show appreciation. I think that's something that can be taught and that you can show them. And I was very adamant a few years ago that he did that with me. So now he bakes most of the cookies, he picks all the ornaments to them and we go. And this past year we took a few friends with us. And now don't get me wrong, that kid is on that fire truck. He is up there beeping that horn.

Those and it's great 'cause this past year in twenty five, it was the same group that had been there the last two years. And so and they remembered him. And Remy was so excited that they remembered him that they're like, We were hoping you were coming 'cause we didn't make dessert tonight And I just I love that that they now expect I love it. That treat that's from a little one and

The second thing is I there's cleft families that come to Laboner from literally all over the southeast from Mississippi, from Arkansas, from Alabama, obviously from Tennessee. There's some that come from Louisiana to use our cleft team. And a lot of them come during the holidays because as a parent, you know, when they're busy in sports, that that two week break at Christmas, if they need something done, you need to do it during that time. Well, that's a really busy week at Laboner.

For cleft kids that don't live here. And so because of our built-in relationship with our cleft team, they kind of say, Hey, there's 18 kids coming the week of Christmas. Here's the age ranges. And Remy and I go shopping with the money from the ornaments, and we pick them a few gifts and we go take them either to the doctor's office or to the hospital.

Amy (39:27) Okay.

Mandy (39:51) It was dicey there for a little with COVID rules. It kinda depends on what's going on if we can actually take them to the hospital. But they at least go to the doctor's office and they get dispersed to the children, to the cleft kids.

Amy (40:00) And see, this is stuff that Mandy doesn't say a lot about. So I made her say it because her ornaments have a purpose of helping others. Mandy does not need to do the ornaments, but she chooses to do the ornaments, and that's what's so special about them. And I have a lot of her ornaments and love them all, but I love the purpose behind them and the mission and the heart that goes into them. And you are right, I guess as a boy mom, I will say that.

Raising boys can be a challenge and trying to raise thoughtful, good men, you have to do some out of the box thinking and you're doing that with him. Yes. So between all the things about him being adaptable, magnetic, winning mahjong, well liked, playing golf and all the things, he's gonna be a thoughtful, caring man when he's older and just a all around amazing human. So Mandy has

several events she attends and markets and such, but she does hold her own in November and we'll we'll share that information in the bio of the podcast and on the Facebook page, but it's on november twenty second.

Mandy (41:09) twenty second. So it's gonna be the Sunday right before Thanksgiving. Yep. So then when you're getting your trees up the week of Thanksgiving or you need those if you've got if you're like me and you've got you need a dozen teacher gifts, the ornaments, it's

Amy (41:23) Lovely,

lovely home event at her house in Germantown, Tennessee. I will also be there with tons of my paintings. It's the only event that I'm doing this year. So it's kind of exclusive to get here to see me too. But there'll be several other amazing shopping vendors here too. But that's a great, that's a great event to meet Mandy and hopefully Remy might be around.

Mandy (41:49) Remy is here. He li he a lot of the friends tend to come and so they may be out jumping on the trampoline.

Amy (41:57) Well, everybody wants to see Remy. When you meet Remy, you like look for him the next like I always look for him like, where's Remy? It's not the same if he's not here. So what are some things that teachers and communities can do? What what can the listener do to help with what what can we donate to? Where can we give to, aside from buying the ornaments?

Mandy (42:19) So there's there's obviously some really good like national nonprofits out there for Cliffs. I I do more things locally because I know so many families here that are in need because of the cost. And and and so I would say locally, you can frankly you can reach out to me because I the doctors obviously with HIPAA.

They can I cannot receive their information, but the cleft team here has my name and contact and they give my information to most new cleft families. And then it's kind of in their hands to reach out to me. So if you have a family that you know of, you can put them in contact with me or Pease East actually has my contact. There's a lot of the doctors at Labonar that all have mine. That's kind of locally. I tend to help from a standpoint of a

of a mother that's ahead of them and help them with the tips and the tricks at the hospital because Remy's hospital stay with the tube surgery is very different than going for a week to two weeks after a lip surgery or a palate surgery. And what I have done on my phone is keep a note of things that were helpful, the questions that I had that were helpful to ask because I had moms ahead of me that gave me information. And so you pay it for right

And so but nationally, I mean, you've got you've got several we can put them all out there. I tend to locally just work with them one on one selfishly. And because Remy actually got to meet a cleft baby born literally identical to him a few weeks ago for the very first time. He had never seen a cleft baby before their lip surgery. And this sweet baby was a week old.

And this Clef mom and I are are actually very close fr good friends. And it was I was not prepared for those feelings of my child meeting a baby born the way he was born.

Amy (44:26) I can't think of a better kiddo than Remy than to right to motivate those moms when they're in the trenches like you are and give them so much hope. And what a gift to just be a person who who's nine years old who could do that.

Mandy (44:41) Well, so what's great is we took them several meals from Hope Church and I was telling Remy, I like, Hey, we're gonna go meet a little baby today. He was born just like you and we're gonna go take them meals and Remy said, Well, mommy, why are you making why are you taking them meals? I said, Well, sweetheart, mommies and daddies are really tired when y'all are first born.

Amy (45:02) And

they're trying hard to feed you. Yes. Poor thing. Yeah. They don't have much time to eat. Yes.

Mandy (45:08) And I said, the last thing you want to do is cook. There's a lot of things you don't want to do, but you really don't want to cook. And so literally a few days ago, he said, Mommy, have they finished all that food? Do we need to go make more? Do we need to go take that Remy? But it shows you to me, like his personality that he was thinking about I told him, This is why we're doing this and trying to, I feel like, you know, as he would say, coach them, you know, you coach your children, right?

Amy (45:21) But it is

Mandy (45:38) you coach them how to treat other people. Right. And so and I told him I I said and we were I said, Well we could make something else. And I was like, and we can go back out there. And he's like, I really want to go check on the baby before he would have a surgery. And I said, Well, sweetheart, it's gonna be a few months before he would have a surgery. And he's like, Well then can you take me to the hospital? And I'm like, sure can. And I'm just I love that his brain is churning and thinking right, what can I do to help him? And I was very I was very proud.

Amy (46:02) Right. Right. Right.

One day he maybe want to be a dentist who specializes in doing this and and giving back in that way. But it's it is amazing. The journey that y'all have had has been you speak very eloquently about it, but I remember there's been some really tough times and it's hard to be on the sidelines of that because you feel helpless. You know, you can't I can't your friends can't change it, but they can walk it with you. And we're all just so grateful that Remy's part of our world.

He is a very special special guy. And that that leads me to rapid fire. And what's funny is all my guests like this rapid fire, but it bring you think it's gonna close it out and then it's like goes on and on because there's so much neat stuff that we can talk about. But I think I probably already already answered this, but I'm gonna see what you say is one word that describes Remy. Kind. Kind. That's a good one.

Mandy (46:42) Yes.

Amy (47:03) What's a what's a Remy milestone that you will always remember? And boy, there's a lot to pick from.

Mandy (47:10) man, that's a really tough question.

Saying mama. It was a really hard I I probably could tell you the date, the time, I could tell you where I was sitting in my home when he said it. When he said mama for the very first time.

Amy (47:27) young age you might not have known if he'd ever be able to say that right.

Mandy (47:29) Correct,

because he was a lot older than other babies were and I had con they had told me the is not something he would be able to say until after a few surgeries from his speech issues. So when he said it it I mean he was literally sitting in his high chair, Amy.

Amy (47:53) You remember those moments. You do? Okay, so anybody who knows Mandy is going to laugh when I ask this question, but coffee or tea?

Mandy (48:02) Coffee all day. It's coffee.

Amy (48:05) Well

my next one was hot or cold. Cold. Alright. This girl can drink some coffee, y'all. Yes. That's that question. Y'all should see her face.

Mandy (48:07) Coal. Iced coffee. Iced latte.

I'm gonna pretend you didn't ask

Because my blood is maroon. It is not red.

Amy (48:26) She's literally from Starkle, like not just from the school, but she went there, but she also was born there, right? Born and raised, right?

Mandy (48:35) was

not born in Starfle, but I might as well have been to the tune of that is there is not one thing in this house that's red, white, and blue unless it has a star on it. Nothing. There's nothing in my closet that's red, white, and blue. There's nothing in Remy's

Amy (48:49) Her

blood is maroon. Her family's blood is maroon. She married a bulldog, but y'all didn't know each other at college, did you? They even got married at Mississippi State. Like I was there in the Chapel of Memories. They got married and the reception was in what the clubhouse of the stadium?

Mandy (48:55) No, no. No

Yes, so we g w our we got engaged and marrying at the chapel, which is where my parents were also married, which is why I refuse to get married anywhere else but there. And then our reception was at the football stadium. Bully was there. Bully

Amy (49:22) Was there and the Mississippi State ice cream was there. That was so much fun. Yes. So they are they are I had to throw that in there just to see your facial expression. Her eyes got really big. How dare I ask? Golf vacation or beach vacation for your family? Golf. Golf.

Mandy (49:25) Best ice cream ever.

Considering we just but you know what? Spring break. What year is this? Twenty six. I asked Remy what he wanted to do for spring break. My then eight year old said, Mommy, I want to fly on the airplane and I want to play golf with daddy. And mama likes the beach. So guess what? We went to South Carolina, so mommy got a little bit of beach. The boys got golf. Perfect. I drove the cart and Remy actually got to go on the beach for the very first time. He had never been to the beach. Perfect.

Amy (49:58) And that's what you did.

Perfect. So as far as being on the sidelines, basketball or golf for for Remy? For like when you're watching him.

Mandy (50:19) Rim.

Well, the rest will probably say they don't like me. I'm a tough cookie on the sideline. I love the game of basketball because I grew up loving it, growing up in Startville, Mississippi, working for the Mississippi State basketball team as a college student. So sitting on the sidelines is gonna be is gonna be basketball for me because it's been a sport love of mine for years. And Remy

And when you meet him, he's probably gonna tell you all kind of stats about the Memphis Grizzlies. So just be prepared. But then he's also gonna tell you all about his golf his very first eagle that he got on fall break. No, he got his first birdie on fall break, first eagle on spring break. So for me it's gonna be basketball for Remy. I really don't know. Like I

Amy (51:08) Absolutely. He loves he loves that. I I love the little video. I love the videos though when Remy does something great and you can hear Steve in the background going, Way to go, Rim. Yeah, Rim. It's so awesome. And that's so good for Remy's self esteem.

Mandy (51:24) Well, and it's a sport that like he can play forever. You know, Steve's dad is in his eighties and actually Remy got to play with Steve's dad this past weekend and he was so impressed with how he hit his driver. And Remy had a really good driver hit. It was like a hundred and forty two yards and it was crushed. Knocked it over the water. He was so proud. But it was fun to see Papa proud and daddy proud because they love the game. I've learned to love the game.

Amy (51:54) Sure. Of golf. You hang out in the cart.

Mandy (51:56) I'm a shade

driver in the shade, you know, with all the snacks. I'm the snack mom at the junior golf events. With the sunscreen, with the bug spray, with with all the things.

Amy (52:04) Absolutely.

Yeah. Well, I think it'd be good to finish with finish this sentence. Okay. This journey has taught you what?

Mandy (52:21) That's really good.

Amy (52:23) She didn't know these. Nobody knows the rapidifier questions.

Mandy (52:25) No I dare.

So I would say it teaches you patience you never knew you needed to have, but it also teaches you a different kind of strength in your in being a mom. Because every kid has a journey. There's kids that have stuff within. While my stuff is different from the majority of my friends, it's it's hard. I think all parenting's hard. Well

Amy (52:56) And with parenting, the saying I don't know if you've ever heard of it h heard it is you were only as happy as your most unhappy child. Mm-hmm. And that could not be more true. And I know there's lots of ups and downs in this journey, but I think your family handles them the downs very well. Mm-hmm. You know, you're only as happy as your most unhappy child is one of the most true things as a parent I've ever heard. Yeah. When my boys are stressed about something or worried or

don't know what to do or have something on their heart, it's on yours too. Yeah. It literally is. And so I I w as an outsider to the family who's seen the journey, the what it has taught me is resilience. Yes. Because if Remy can do all the things he does, I can do whatever I need to do.

Mandy (53:41) Yes. And then I'm gonna go back to what the community can help with. I think if you have children, talk to them that not everyone looks the same. Because we're starting to really struggle with that with Remy. And I know a lot of parents don't think about that. they're in first grade. Remy was severely bullied in first grade. Pretty h pretty bad. And some in second. And I think it's just

Parents need to educate their children, young, that not everyone's gonna look the same. There's scars in different ways.

But I think educating your children, if you have them, please tell them that it's o it's okay to be different.

Amy (54:30) Because, you know, like the shirt says we all smile what is it? That we all smile the same Right. We all smile in the same language and it all does start at home. Mm-hmm. I'm sure every child has been bullied in some way, shape, or form. Absolutely. But Remy probably has gotten the brunt of a good bit of that and it it is a parent's job to I will say this, my kids are grown, but I will say through my experience, you know

If your kid is called out on something or it's become aware at the school or in the playgroup or whatever, do something about it. Yeah. Don't just accept it. Do better for for the kid who your own child, but for a kid like Remy, who might need friends, to just be a little nicer. Yeah. And compassionate. Compassion a little compassion goes a long way.

Mandy (55:23) It does and it's it's not a fun phone call to make to another parent.

Amy (55:27) Sure.

Mandy (55:31) You know. And so I would say that would be sorry to go back and digress. No that is something that I think is really important. Yes.

Amy (55:35) Well that's fine.

Well, I've seen it affect you.

I have seen it I've seen it you in tears and very torn up and and angry, which are all warranted feelings. But you know, they're mama bears are real. Like mama bears are the real deal and you know, they're they're that expression the mama bear isn't just hypothetical. 'Cause so they're real.

Mandy (55:52) we we are real real.

No.

It

it's kinda you know, Amy and I are both really short and so small feisty things come in small packages too. So

Amy (56:11) Yeah. Well, I always tell my boys, good things come in small packages. Yes. Diamonds, chocolate, dynamite, and your mom. Mm-hmm. And they roll their eyes. Ha ha, that's real funny. Yeah. Well, Mandy, I really appreciate you being here. We will get information about the Remy's Ranch page, the Remy's Ranch shopping event in November. We really appreciate everybody joining in here today. Remember to, you know, show compassion, be kind, acceptance.

Be the change you wish to see if you see something, say something about bullying, especially, because that really is an important message here. And I appreciate you bringing that up. Everybody, if you have a topic or a ministry or just anything that you want to come on the podcast about, you can reach me at Amy Keyspodcast at gmail.com. That is A Y K-E-Y-S

podcast

at gmail.com.

I am on Apple Music, Amazon Music, Spotify, iHeartRadio, and somehow we're on Audible, but don't know how that happened. our leading streaming is coming from Spotify. I think 87% of the audience is listening on Spotify. So and I think about 50% have us in the library in their Spotify accounts. Not that we can see your accounts, we can just see analytics. So Spotify is is really winning out of the gate.

And this recording is my seventh recording. And we've done that many in two weeks. So things are going quickly. So again, you can reach me at amikiespodcast at gmail.com and just be kind. And till next time.